Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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