wanna go halves on a baby?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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