i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
