yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
