mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
