come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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