fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
