I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
