Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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