drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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