Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
