Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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