Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
