hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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