I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
