I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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