Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
