using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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