I wish you could order shots online.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
