He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
