he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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