don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
