I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
