take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
