so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
