My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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