he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
