Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
