u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
