She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love having hate sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
