Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
