i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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