what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
