I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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