Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
