My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
