I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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