Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
