I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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