i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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