I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
