I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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