I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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