my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
