My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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