Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
