Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
