Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
