my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
