you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
