I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
