You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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