did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
