Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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