someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
