Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
