So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
