Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
