i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
