went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
