Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
