best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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